April 8th, 2009 was the day. BUT Let me start a little earlier… Sun April 5th, 2009. It was Palm Sunday, the welcoming of Holy Week and I was being initiated into the Catholic Church on the coming Saturday with my First Communion and Confirmation. I was almost ready, only one thing stood in my way… I had one week to complete my First Confession. As I was leaving my Sunday school class I explained my predicament to our Director with cool confidence, I mean it was an entire week, how hard could it be to find a confession time? Hmmmm. Coming from a Presbyterian upbringing I was not familiar with the Catholic liturgical calendar. My director quickly informed me that during Holy Week regular confession times were not held except for a few large confessions at different corners of the Diocese. Not so bad. I found the times and places…all times and places I could not be. I kinda panicked. I called some good Catholic friends and my sponsor and explained the ’sitch. ”Call around,” one said, “find if anyone is available to hear a Confession. Worse comes to worse, you go to a Church and tackle a priest.” I had to be at a church on Wednesday the 8th for a meeting so I set my sights on finding a priest then.
Wednesday comes and I go the church for my meeting. I run to the rectory and ask where the priests are. ”Oh, all the priests are at the Diocese day of confession right now but we are having Mass a little later.” That means a priest will be here! During my meeting I made sure to keep my eyes peeled for anyone looking remotely close to a holy undivided man of God. Just about anyone wearing black I gave a good long staring to. As we were conversing outside I watched a car pull up and waited for the driver to step out. He stepped out in all black and that was enough. Mid-sentence I took off to catch him. I came closer and saw his collar. A priest. I stopped at his car door and said, “Hi, father, do you have a minute?” ”Sure” , he said, ” what can I do for you?” ”Well, I’m receiving my Easter Sacraments on Saturday night and I have to complete my first Confession. See, I’m a convert and didn’t know there were no regular Confession times during Holy week. Could you help me? Would you hear my first Confession right now?” ”Sure, I be happy to!”, he said. ”Now you say you are a convert, I’ll have you know I am a convert myself. In fact I converted when I was about your age!” Unbelievable. He went on, “now, tell me, from what type of church are you converting from?” ”I was raised Presbyterian”. ”No kidding,” he said, ” I was raised Presbyterian myself!” Wow. Was this my angel?! “Let’s go inside and I’ll hear your Confession”. I couldn’t stop smiling as we walked inside. We sat down on a pew in back of the nearly empty church. ”So”, he started, “where are you from?” ”Orange. La Purisima Parish.” ”Really!”, he said, “I used to serve there!” Absolutely incredible!!! Someone really wanted me to feel welcome in this first step in becoming Catholic.
He heard my Confession and we went off to say Mass. I told my friends and anyone who would listen the little miracle God had just worked for me.
On my way home I received a text from my sister. She asked if I wanted to go to the cemetery with her. The cemetery? Kinda strange. I ran though my head why today of all days she was going to the cemetary. My mom had gone home to worship Jesus in August of 2000 and we went to her grave site every once in a while. So why today? I looked at the date, April 8th. It was my Mom’s birthday. She would have been 66. It felt like water had just washed over my entire body. I couldn’t see her yet she was so close to me in that moment. The power of prayer was so apparent. The comfort of the Holy Spirit wrapped Himself around me. God was revealing His victory over death to me. My mom was raised Presbyterian and my Dad and her chose to raise us the same. This whole time she had been praying for me, wanting me to know that she was with me. That she was a part of my life and my decision to become closer to God through the Catholic church.
Communion and Confirmation came along with one of the most powerful experiences in my life as I was anointed by the priest at the altar. If you had known my life before, my life while my Mom was still on Earth, you would be amazed that was even close to a church. The next day, Easter Sunday, I talked to my dad. He gave me his congrats and told me that while he was walking around yesterday at home in Ohio, he noticed something stuck to his shoe. He looked down to pull it off and saw that it was a cross. Our sign from God that He died for us. A reminder that He came to us in body and after being crucified He rose and ascended into Heaven leaving His Spirit to dwell with us always. So that we would never be alone.
Saying sorry is not supposed to be easy. It’s also not supposed to be about the other person. It’s about us. It’s about being moved to say sorry because YOU feel bad. Not because they do. If we say sorry only because we know the other person was hurt by us then we really don’t want to bring the healing necessary to mend the relationship. It’s still about how they got hurt when it’s supposed to be about what you had done to hurt them. You make it their problem. Part of this can be fear. Fear of realizing you were wrong, fear of being remembered as someone who hurts others. Our pride can also lead us to believe we would never make a mistake. When we make mistakes it feels like we lose creditability.
We must come to a place where our sorry is not about what is going to happen afterwards but about what has already happened. It should be about us, who hurt someone, feeling bad and feeling a need to be healed.
When we hurt we need to be healed. It may not even make a difference to the person you ask for forgiveness from. It’s a real “sorry” when it’s something that WE feel a need to say after we had hurt them. After we ask for forgiveness they may never give it to us or even go around telling everyone of how we just bowed in repentance to them. They may not of been affected by what we did to them. Don’t let these things get in the way of how WE need healing to return to a place of peace in Jesus! Repentance is supposed to heal our heart! Allow God to reveal our ways to us so He can show us where we went wrong.
Just like with the Lord when we sin. We talk about how we break His heart when we sin. What about what it does to our hearts? HE is Lord and we hurt Him. We sinned against Him. His heart is broken! He’s not thinking of impending doom. That’s what we think of! Our ways are not His ways! He loves us. He is the only one who can offer what is best for us. He knows what “best” is and He can make it happen. Let Him show us where we were wrong and lead us back to where we can be right with Him. We know Him and desire to please Him. We are sensitive to what He wants.
So many times we want everyone else to do their part. We can point to the splinter in our brother’s eye but leave the log in our own. To me there is more than just humbling yourself in this analogy. There is an example to follow. Show someone that you aren’t perfect either and they can be more open to the fact neither are they. Show them that despite the entire log in your eye it can still be removed. There is hope. If a log can come out of your eye then how much easier a splinter from theirs?
I hear a lot about how the US is doomed because of its sin. I hear about we the church being the one to blame for turning this nation away from God because we didn’t practice what we preached. We didn’t have love and condemned the sinner. Let us the church then repent and show the wicked how to do the same. Let us show them that we are not afraid of sin in our lives because we know that we can be healed when we turn from our evil ways. There is a God in heaven, who came to earth, who is greater than any sin or transgression and defeated it all! We’re not afraid of losing creditability or of being mocked because we know what we need and it helps. It restores us to right relationship to God. Having right relationship with Him is about the individual. It doesn’t come from the outside but from inside. Good fruit comes from the inside.
I hear people tell of how we, as Chrsitians, are to become good at worshiping our God before we get to heaven because once we get there that’s all we’ll be doing for eternity. I was in a prayer meeting when this came to mind and a simple revelation dawned on me.
We become good at worship by letting God reveal himself in our lives. When we let Him love us and bless us and pour His grace upon us we are moved too give thanks and glory and honor and praise to Him.
God has a legion of Angels and a multitude of those who have gone before us around His throne worshiping Him non-stop. They’re in Heaven. The fullness of God is revealed. I don’t think there is much more God can do for them. They already have it all! And by having it all they worship Him for eternity.
I realized that the more I receive from God, His blessing and especially His love, the more I want to say thank You and I worship You. I received His love by realizing there is no condemnation because no matter what I do wrong, or right, I am man and He is God. I am supposed to need Him. Perfection is not expected from me (though I do desire and strive for it).
This isn’t to say you should go sin but “…where sin increased, grace increased all the more…” Rom 5:20.
Where I myself have received love and grace I desire to give gratitude. He desires to give Himself to you. All of himself. He can’t give anymore of Himself to those in Heaven. We are the ones who need it! He came to Earth to share that same fullness with us. We have His fullness. “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority.” Col 2:9-10 We can live in it! And live here on the Earth! Where our hearts desire can be afforded to us. Not for us but so we can afford God His heart’s desire. To worship Him. For who He is and what He has done (and will do… He’s comin!). And He has done much and continues to do more. He knows our nature. He knows we’re fallen. He’s not surprised or disappointed when we fall. He desires for us to come to Him when it happens. He wants to be our strength, the one who shows us love and mercy greater than anyone or anything else. All we have to do is let Him. Receive it! It’s ours.
Saturday we took six girls from Juvenile Hall to the SCRC convention at the Anaheim Convention Center. The Lord was touching them right away, with the first worship set bringing some of them to tears!
Everything even lunch and dinner had the Lord’s hand all over it and felt completely blessed and accompanied by His presence.
Speakers- awesome
Worship- awesome
Little video before a talk brought one of our girls to uncontrollable sobbing in remembrance of a friend lost in a car crash… the same EXACT focus of the video. So much healing from her expression of grief.
During Adoration entire high school youth ministries fell face flat on the ground in reverence to Jesus’ presence. More tears of healing from our girls as the entire congregation gently sang out “How He Loves”
Sunday’s closing Mass ushered in a time of free praise after Communion inviting the congregation to sing out in tongues of men and of angels. I seriously thought if we kept going the entire arena was going to explode. But unfortunately, not this time. Maybe next year…
Somebody told me that two days ago. They said, “you’re not leavin’ huh Brian. You’re ridin’ til the wheels fall off.”
Faithfulness. Doing what the Lord says no matter what the circumstances. Even when it feels like you’re making the wheels fall off. You keep riding. Keep doing what the Lord has already said and He can say more. Then He doesn’t need to repeat Himself. When it gets old you trust that He will show you what’s next. There is no shortcut in the desert. One way… the Way, the Truth and the Life. Nobody gets to the Father except through Him. Want to find the Father? Listen to the Son. Can’t hear the Son? Find Him. Seek ye first. Go where He is. Find where the fruit of the Holy Spirit is and get to know it. How it smells, looks, feels. Learn how to cultivate it. Bring seeds home and plant them into your own life. When the harvest is ready, eat it. Taste and see the Lord is good.
“But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.” Galatians 5:18-26
